• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Kim Argetsinger

Kim Argetsinger

Mindset Coach and Business Mentor

  • Welcome
  • About
  • Blog
  • Work Together
    • Break Out & Make Bank Intensive
    • Heart-Centered Sales Intensive
    • 6 Month Coaching Partnerships
      • Stop Hiding & Get Paid 6 Month
      • Uplevel 6 Month
    • 1:1 VIP Weekend: Elevate & Expand
  • Courses
  • Media
  • Client Love

Why Self-Love Isn’t Selfish.

March 10, 2016 by admin

In the words of RuPaul, "If you don't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?"

I'm just wrapping up my fourth wedding in about as many months.

It's been a whirlwind of bridesmaid dresses, champagne, dancing, happy tears, ivory colored everything, and, most importantly, celebrating my dear friends' love.

And, as I take my last dress to the dry cleaners and look through the photos of couples saying their "I dos", it got me thinking...

Most of us aspire to find true love; to stand before our family and friends and declare our unconditional love for our person. But what about the love we declare for ourselves?

How many of us show the same care, the same attention, the same love towards ourselves?

How many of us treat ourselves with the same love we give freely and unconditionally to someone else?

"Self-love" used to be a term that made me cringe. It was right up there for me with "find yourself," most likely because I desperately needed more of both.

Self-love seemed indulgent, conceited, arrogant.

But, self-love is not only NOT selfish, it's good for you (move over kale).

A growing number of studies show self-compassion (self-love), rather than self-esteem may be the key to unlocking your potential for greatness. Researchers have linked self-love to a whole slew of benefits including greater life satisfaction, increased happiness, greater resilience, optimism, and less anxiety and depression. People with more self-love have been shown to be able to overcome difficult life events with more ease and have improved problem-solving abilities and decreased procrastination (who knew!?). Read more here.

And, you know that frustrating adage we've all heard (most often when we're single and crying into a pint of ice cream), "you need to love yourself first"? Turns out it's true. Self-love can also lead to improved relationships.

Research has shown that practicing self-love and self-compassion is likely to improve well-being in the context of interpersonal relationships. People with higher levels of self-love report being happier and more authentic in their relationships. Read more here.

Self-love influences everything, from who we pick to be in a relationship with, to our career, how we cope with what life throws at us, and how we show up. 

"I want you to throw out everything you think you know about self-esteem. You know those books that say, "I'm ok, you're ok?" F*** that. You're not "okay". You're SPECTACULAR. You're a gem in the rough. You're a shimmering, exploding supernova."                              -Garla Darling, watch Garla Darling's TED talk on Radical Self-Love.

The flip side? Lack of self-love holds us back. Dove found that six in ten girls will not do something because they feel they are not good enough.

Not loving ourselves extends past our relationships (though, it will keep us settling in those, too) and keeps us playing small. It keeps us from trying new things and from going after what we want, often because we don't think we can do it or don't think we deserve it.

Which brings me back to wedding bliss and wedding vows.

What if we took those very same vows we save for the person we plan to spend the rest of our lives with and turn them on ourselves, the person we will spend our entire lives with?

What if we promise to love ourselves for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health?

Want to give yourself some wedding-worthy self-love?    

              Here Are 10 Ways to Love Yourself More:

  1. Up the self-care ante. This means taking care of yourself with love, which includes nourishing your body with healthy food and getting enough sleep. 

  2. Treat yourself the way you would treat a significant other or close friend. We tend to treat those we care about with acceptance, empathy, and compassion. We give them emotional support, support them when they've "messed up", cheerlead them, and believe in them.

  3. Learn to set healthy boundaries. Say "no" or "I'll get back to you on that" instead of "yessing" others to please them. Put yourself first. 

  4. Stop spending time with toxic and draining people.

  5. Celebrate your wins, big and small. (I can't wait to share my free e-book on celebration with y'all soon!)

  6. Dress and groom yourself with love. A study showed dressing better can affect your mood in a positive way.

  7. Take yourself out on a date. The Artist's Way calls it an "artist date," but whether or not you consider yourself an artist, put something nice on and take yourself out, solo, on a date. This could be a movie, a trip to a museum, wandering around a bookstore, a drink at a new bar you've wanting to check out, a favorite coffee shop or restaurant, you name it. This is something I started doing years ago and still love to do. It's a twofer - you treat yourself well, and you learn what good company you can be to yourself.

  8. Write yourself a love letter. Write yourself a letter listing all of the things you love about yourself. Tell yourself you'll love you through the ups and downs. Feel a little silly or having a hard time?  Pretend you're someone close to you, write the letter as if you were them. What would your partner or best friend say to you?

  9. Start writing down all the compliments you receive. This is helpful for two reasons. Our brains have a negativity bias, so negative comments impact us more than positive ones do. And, "neuroscience has shown that whatever you focus on shapes your brain...it's absolutely possible to create neural pathways that favor affirming thoughts," says researcher Kearney-Cooke. Read more here.

  10. Do something nice for yourself. This is different than taking yourself out on a date. One of the Five Love Languages is receiving gifts. Treat yourself to something you've been eying for a while, buy yourself flowers, treat yourself to a massage or a fancy coffee you wouldn't normally splurge on. This bolsters your self-worth.

Ready to say "I do"? I'd love to hear how you show yourself love! Comment below or join me on Facebook!

xo, Kim

Read Previous Article
Read Next Article

Filed Under: Blog

Primary Sidebar

get unstuck and
unlock your success

5 Common Mindset Blocks that Hold Entrepreneurs, Creatives, & Coaches Back and How to Shift Them

LEARN MORE

The ultimate
content idea guide

The Ultimate Content Idea Generator with 15 ways to come up with content with you’re feeling stuck

LEARN MORE

Master Your Heart-Centered Sales Process 

Create a sales process that FEELS good & gets you paid!

LEARN MORE
VIEW ALL COURSES VIEW ALL SERVICES

Recent Posts

  • I Know You’re Great at What You Do, and it’s Time to Stop Fitting in
    February 8, 2023
  • You Asked, I Answered – ONE Question About Owning Your Success, Money Wins, & Navigating Judgments
    February 6, 2023
  • Why I’m Celebrating My Lowest Income Month (Again) from Last Year
    February 3, 2023
  • The Truth About Sales Objections and What They Really Mean
    February 1, 2023

Testimonials

Joanne Ozug

Food & Lifestyle Blogger,
video creator,
and online personality,
fifteenspatuals.com

Unimaginably life-changing.

Coaching with Kim has been completely mind-blowing. Basically, I wish I could go back in time and could’ve started coaching with your earlier. It is incredible what an hour together, once a week has done for my life and my business, and our call is always the highlight of my week!

Joanne Ozug

Unimaginably life-changing.

Coaching with Kim has been completely mind-blowing. Basically, I wish I could go back in time and could’ve started coaching with your earlier. It is incredible what an hour together, once a week has done for my life and my business, and our call is always the highlight of my week!

Joanne Ozug

Food & Lifestyle Blogger,
video creator,
and online personality,
fifteenspatuals.com

Unimaginably life-changing.

Coaching with Kim has been completely mind-blowing. Basically, I wish I could go back in time and could’ve started coaching with your earlier. It is incredible what an hour together, once a week has done for my life and my business, and our call is always the highlight of my week!

Joanne Ozug

Unimaginably life-changing.

Coaching with Kim has been completely mind-blowing. Basically, I wish I could go back in time and could’ve started coaching with your earlier. It is incredible what an hour together, once a week has done for my life and my business, and our call is always the highlight of my week!

previous arrow
next arrow
Slider

Footer

  • Welcome
  • About
  • Blog
  • Work Together
  • Media
  • Courses
  • Client Love
  • Logo
  • CONNECT WITH ME

© Kim Argetsinger. All Rights Reserved | Terms and Conditions | Privacy Policy | Risk Disclaimer