Who's ruling your kingdom? [Mindset Makeover Week One]

Kim Argetsinger success + mindset business coach

"It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to beliefs. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen." - Muhammad Ali

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The other day one of those Facebook memories popped up on my phone.

It was a photo of me and some friends from five years ago.  

It was a little like looking into a strange time portal. I know I’ve changed, but seeing a different version of me, down to different colored hair, was startling. 

I wanted to hug the girl in the photo and let her know everything’s going to be ok.

See, the thing is, I wasn’t so happy five years ago.

I had a beautiful apartment in the Hollywood Hills, great friends, and I was pursuing a career I was passionate about and having a modicum of success. 

I had just gotten back from South Africa, where I spent 7 weeks shooting the lead role in an independent film. I had a fancy car I had busted my ass to pay off, and I was making decent money. 

I had gone to LA with two suitcases and a one-way plane ticket, and in some form or another, I was doing it and living “the dream”. 

But I wasn’t happy. 

I didn’t like myself. I couldn’t say anything nice about myself. I hated looking in the mirror. I constantly judged myself and compared myself against others. I beat myself up and was my own worst enemy.

I didn’t think I was good enough. 

When I did book an acting job, I felt like a fraud. Like I had somehow tricked the casting director, director, and producers. I was just waiting to be found out.

That shoot in South Africa? I remember crying in the kitchen of our shared house and talking to co-stars about how awful I was.

I had talent, but I didn’t believe it, didn’t trust it, couldn’t own it. I was constantly searching for validation and applause outside myself. And, I got it, but it was never enough…because I didn’t believe it.

I remember a coach at the time saying to me, “I wonder what would happen if you believed in yourself?”

I did wonder, and I still do…but a lot has changed since then. 

Obviously, I’m a blonde and have much better hair now {wink}. Joking aside, every aspect of my life has changed. Of course, I’m still me. If anything, I’m more of myself than I was before. But, I live in Manhattan, have a different career, have built a business from the ground up, and live with my person. 

More than all of that, I like myself. I have a completely different mindset than I did five years ago, and that has changed everything. 

Five years ago, I began to work on my mindset.

Every damned day, I’d write my affirmations out while simultaneously questioning them and wondering if this woo-woo shit would amount to anything. Turns out, it’s not so woo-woo (there’s a whole lot of science behind it) and it amounted to more than I could imagine.

While I am FAR from having it all figured out, my mindset has been completely made-over. And unlike a Hollywood makeover, it’s been an inside-out transformation (the hair came last).

This is why mindset is such an integral part of my work. I believe mindset is the foundation for everything we do. I’ve witnessed mindset shifts transform my life and my clients’ lives.

Sure, it takes more than mindset alone. We can’t live solely in our minds. That’s called daydreaming.

Without a strong “success” mindset, all the tools, courses, worksheets, classes, and plans in the world won’t get you far, because you’ll sabotage the hell out of yourself along the way or end up feeling miserable.

Strengthening my mindset was the catalyst for my “makeover”, and it is something I continue to work on every day.

Today, let’s chat a little more about this mindset stuff. 

Your mindset is essentially all of your thoughts and beliefs, and your mindset creates the boundaries or parameters you live your life by.

Do you watch Game of Thrones? 

Your mind is like the kingdom, and your mindset is like whoever is sitting on the throne at the time. It dictates what you do, what you don’t do, the happiness and unhappiness you have, what you pay attention to, and your success.

Put a Cersei on the throne of your mind and it can wreak havoc in your entire kingdom. Put Daenerys on the throne and you create magic, walk through fire, and birth dragons. 

Your mindset affects your thoughts and beliefs. Those thoughts and beliefs influence the actions you do or don't take. The actions you do or don’t take influence the results you get. The results you do or don’t take go right back and reinforce your beliefs. It’s a loop that can work for or against you.

Often we try to change things from the outside in, old-school makeover style. But it’s much more effective when we get the inside working for us first, and here’s why: Research has shown that about 95 percent of our actions start in our subconscious mind.

What!? Very simply, 95-99 percent of your life comes from the programming in your subconscious mind.

You might be thinking, “That’s great, but how do I change my subconscious? Aghhh.”

I’ve got some good news for you! Sciences says we can rewire our brains through thought alone. Pretty f-ing amazing.

This is why it’s essential that you become aware of your thoughts and mindset. It is the first step in changing your life.

So, today, I’d like to leave you with a challenge to start your mindset makeover. 

Mindset Makeover Action Step: Create awareness around your thoughts.

Half of the time we aren’t even aware what our thoughts are doing and we let them run around our “kingdom” causing a mess.

For the next week, track your thoughts. Write down any negative thoughts and beliefs you catch. 

Practice being aware and “listening” to your thoughts. What words do you use? What do you say about yourself and others?

No judging or beating up on yourself here, most of us do that plenty already. Please be compassionate with yourself. Our goal is curiosity. 

Next week, I’ll be back with week two of our Mindset Makeover!

Now, I’d love to hear from you! What’s your biggest takeaway from this blog and why? Is your "kingdom" being run by a Cersei or Daenerys? Let me know in the comments below! 

Wishing you your version of success!

Kim Argetsinger mindset business coach

P. S. Know someone who wants a mindset makeover? Share this blog with them!