Who Are You? [Mindset Makeover Week Two]
Kim Argetsinger success + mindset business coach
"Identity is this incredible invisible force that controls your whole life. It's invisible like gravity is invisible, but it controls your whole life." -Tony Robbins

Welcome to Week Two of our Mindset Makeover!

Last week we started with some Mindset 101.

(Missed it? No problem, you can catch it and a FB live video here!)

Congrats on taking the first step to making over your mindset. The first step to creating change is always awareness. It’s pretty hard to shift what we aren’t aware of!

How was listening to your thoughts for a week?  Did anything surprise you?

Today, I want to take that awareness a step further. This is where the fun really starts because we can purposely begin to change our mindset and ultimately our lives.

(Prefer to watch and listen? Click below to join me in a FB live video!)

 

 

One of the biggest mindset blocks I've seen with myself and my clients is holding onto an old identity or an identity that doesn’t serve us.

What do I mean when I say identity?

Our identity is essentially a mindset for how we see ourselves, and studies show that our behavior is congruent with our identity. Meaning, our mind will do everything in its power to have our exterior circumstances match the identity we hold of ourselves.

When I moved from LA to NY, I packed my LA identity up with me and took it along. My identity in LA wasn’t bad, but it wasn't great either. It wasn’t strong or making me happy. I had an identity that no longer served me.

NYC is an amazing city, but it’s also a demanding city. And New York City told me, I better upgrade my identity and with it, the actions I was taking, or move back home. 

Anytime we open a new chapter in our lives like moving, parenthood, getting married or divorced, changing our health and fitness routine, beginning a creative endeavor, starting a business, or accepting a new role in our career...life demands we evaluate our identity. 

Often our old identity won't serve us in a new space and this can be super uncomfortable.

I know when I started my business I had to uplevel my identity. My old identity wasn’t going to cut it and would have held me back, but this doesn't mean I didn't cling to my old identity like a little kid clings to her blankie. 

We are constantly approaching new challenges and opportunities in our life that require us to shed our outdated, ill-fitting identities. While a new identity and the mindset that comes along with it can open us up to new possibilities, it can be really tough to say goodbye to the identity we’ve gotten comfy in, and well, identify ourselves as.

It’s kinda like when spring cleaning time comes around, and you just can’t fathom getting rid of your favorite, old, cozy sweater even though it’s tattered, threadbare, and doesn’t fit anymore (...and makes you look like you’re one step away from becoming homeless). 

Our identities are the same way.

We cling to them because they’re comfortable. They've become a part of us. They’re how we know ourselves and show up in the world. Possibly even more distressing, they’re how the world knows us and expects us to show up.

But as the saying goes, old ways won't open new doors. 

We can't expect an entirely different version of our life to manifest itself using the same mindset and identity that has kept us where we are. 

Often we’re either unhappy because we’ve found ourselves in a situation we don’t identify with, or we have an identity we need to shed as we transition into a new phase of our life. We will sabotage the hell out of our experience or we won’t create the success we desire if we aren't aware of what's going on because we won’t have an identity that supports it.

This sabotage can show up anywhere…think relationships, weight loss, career, business, career, friendships, finances, parenting, you name it.

A great example of this is what we see with lottery winners. Did you know about 70 percent of people who win a lottery or get a big windfall actually end up broke in a few years? 70 percent! 

You might be thinking, “Not me! I would handle winning some money just fine. Thankyouverymuch.”

But, think about it: here you get this huge landslide win of money. Hooray, all your problems are solved! Except, your mindset is still fixed in your previous identity. The same identity that kept you at a particular income level that was consistent with how you saw yourself. 

If you have a “broke” identity, or a “bad with money” identity, even if you win the lottery, if you don’t upgrade your identity along with the win, you’ll eventually work your way right back to the situation that matches your identity. 

Whereas, there are a ton of broke people, with different beliefs and a “rich” identity, and they end up changing their circumstances. 

We see this all the time with awesome success stories of people who have pulled through poverty. There’s a lot that goes into that of course, but I promise you, they had an identity that served them.

Your identity creates the boundaries you give yourself for how you’re allowed to be in life. 

We have to be careful of the labels we give ourselves because those labels become a part of our identity and we’ll end up acting accordingly. 

We also teach others who we are through our identity and lead them to believe that’s who we are, so they expect and our identity. 

Mindset Makeover Week Two is all about getting clear on your identity. This will create a deeper awareness around this mindset.

Getting rid of an old identity or identity that no longer serve us is a huge mindset shift. We also change our actions to match and reinforce our new identity. 

Change your identity, and you can change your life. 

Mindset Makeover Week Two Action Step: 

Answer these questions:

  • Who are you? How do you define yourself? 
  • How is your identity affecting your current reality?  

  • Who would have to be (what identity) to create the life you want? Get as specific as you can.

  • What is one small action you can take to put this identity shift into play?

Next week, I’ll be back with Week Three of our Mindset Makeover. You’ll also be the first to hear about a new course I’ve been working on behind the scenes that dives into all of this much deeper! I can't wait to share it with you!

Wishing you your version of success!

Kim Argetsinger success + mindset business coach

P.S. I'd love to hear from you! Let me know in the comments below, what was your biggest takeaway and why.

P.P.S. Know someone else who might like a Mindset Makeover? Share this blog with them!

Who's ruling your kingdom? [Mindset Makeover Week One]
Kim Argetsinger success + mindset business coach

"It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to beliefs. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen." - Muhammad Ali

(Prefer to watch and listen? Click the video below to join in on a FB live recording)

 

The other day one of those Facebook memories popped up on my phone.

It was a photo of me and some friends from five years ago.  

It was a little like looking into a strange time portal. I know I’ve changed, but seeing a different version of me, down to different colored hair, was startling. 

I wanted to hug the girl in the photo and let her know everything’s going to be ok.

See, the thing is, I wasn’t so happy five years ago.

I had a beautiful apartment in the Hollywood Hills, great friends, and I was pursuing a career I was passionate about and having a modicum of success. 

I had just gotten back from South Africa, where I spent 7 weeks shooting the lead role in an independent film. I had a fancy car I had busted my ass to pay off, and I was making decent money. 

I had gone to LA with two suitcases and a one-way plane ticket, and in some form or another, I was doing it and living “the dream”. 

But I wasn’t happy. 

I didn’t like myself. I couldn’t say anything nice about myself. I hated looking in the mirror. I constantly judged myself and compared myself against others. I beat myself up and was my own worst enemy.

I didn’t think I was good enough. 

When I did book an acting job, I felt like a fraud. Like I had somehow tricked the casting director, director, and producers. I was just waiting to be found out.

That shoot in South Africa? I remember crying in the kitchen of our shared house and talking to co-stars about how awful I was.

I had talent, but I didn’t believe it, didn’t trust it, couldn’t own it. I was constantly searching for validation and applause outside myself. And, I got it, but it was never enough…because I didn’t believe it.

I remember a coach at the time saying to me, “I wonder what would happen if you believed in yourself?”

I did wonder, and I still do…but a lot has changed since then. 

Obviously, I’m a blonde and have much better hair now {wink}. Joking aside, every aspect of my life has changed. Of course, I’m still me. If anything, I’m more of myself than I was before. But, I live in Manhattan, have a different career, have built a business from the ground up, and live with my person. 

More than all of that, I like myself. I have a completely different mindset than I did five years ago, and that has changed everything. 

Five years ago, I began to work on my mindset.

Every damned day, I’d write my affirmations out while simultaneously questioning them and wondering if this woo-woo shit would amount to anything. Turns out, it’s not so woo-woo (there’s a whole lot of science behind it) and it amounted to more than I could imagine.

While I am FAR from having it all figured out, my mindset has been completely made-over. And unlike a Hollywood makeover, it’s been an inside-out transformation (the hair came last).

This is why mindset is such an integral part of my work. I believe mindset is the foundation for everything we do. I’ve witnessed mindset shifts transform my life and my clients’ lives.

Sure, it takes more than mindset alone. We can’t live solely in our minds. That’s called daydreaming.

Without a strong “success” mindset, all the tools, courses, worksheets, classes, and plans in the world won’t get you far, because you’ll sabotage the hell out of yourself along the way or end up feeling miserable.

Strengthening my mindset was the catalyst for my “makeover”, and it is something I continue to work on every day.

For the next three weeks, I'm sharing a Mindset Makeover with you.

(Prefer to watch and listen? Click the video below to join in on a FB live recording)

Today, let’s chat a little more about this mindset stuff. 

Your mindset is essentially all of your thoughts and beliefs, and your mindset creates the boundaries or parameters you live your life by.

Do you watch Game of Thrones? 

Your mind is like the kingdom, and your mindset is like whoever is sitting on the throne at the time. It dictates what you do, what you don’t do, the happiness and unhappiness you have, what you pay attention to, and your success.

Put a Cersei on the throne of your mind and it can wreak havoc in your entire kingdom. Put Daenerys on the throne and you create magic, walk through fire, and birth dragons. 

Your mindset affects your thoughts and beliefs. Those thoughts and beliefs influence the actions you do or don't take. The actions you do or don’t take influence the results you get. The results you do or don’t take go right back and reinforce your beliefs. It’s a loop that can work for or against you.

Often we try to change things from the outside in, old-school makeover style. But it’s much more effective when we get the inside working for us first, and here’s why: Research has shown that about 95 percent of our actions start in our subconscious mind.

What!? Very simply, 95-99 percent of your life comes from the programming in your subconscious mind.

You might be thinking, “That’s great, but how do I change my subconscious? Aghhh.”

I’ve got some good news for you! Sciences says we can rewire our brains through thought alone. Pretty f-ing amazing.

This is why it’s essential that you become aware of your thoughts and mindset. It is the first step in changing your life.

So, today, I’d like to leave you with a challenge to start your mindset makeover. 

Mindset Makeover Action Step: Create awareness around your thoughts.

Half of the time we aren’t even aware what our thoughts are doing and we let them run around our “kingdom” causing a mess.

For the next week, track your thoughts. Write down any negative thoughts and beliefs you catch. 

Practice being aware and “listening” to your thoughts. What words do you use? What do you say about yourself and others?

No judging or beating up on yourself here, most of us do that plenty already. Please be compassionate with yourself. Our goal is curiosity. 

Next week, I’ll be back with week two of our Mindset Makeover!

Now, I’d love to hear from you! What’s your biggest takeaway from this blog and why? Is your "kingdom" being run by a Cersei or Daenerys? Let me know in the comments below! 

Wishing you your version of success!

Kim Argetsinger mindset business coach

P. S. Know someone who wants a mindset makeover? Share this blog with them! 

Grit & Grace with #theimperfectboss

Unlock Your Success: Success Stories

A fresh, real-life look behind the scenes with inspiring individuals who have created their version of success and the grit that got them there. 

Ashley Beaudin #theimperfectboss interview

Ashley Beaudin 

"If I can impact someone's life - if I can leave someone feeling more encouraged and more brave than before they met me, then that's success to me."

The visionary behind #theimperfectboss movement shares the journey of discovering her version of success and making it happen.

"It's been more the journey of trying new things...and being willing to get up and try again and get up and try again..."

"If you're in this, there has to be a fire inside you somewhere."

This week, I’m coming at you with something new that I’m pretty excited about!

As you might know, I’m obsessed with grit and the part it plays in our success stories.

To be clear, when I say "grit", I'm not talking about dirt or being edgy. Grit is a term in psychology for a person's passion for a specific long-term goal, combined with the powerful motivation to achieve that goal...it's dogged persistence and commitment.

Grit = The Long Game

I’ve been interviewing some pretty amazing and inspiring people who have all created their own unique versions of success.

Every month, starting today, I’m breaking up the blog and bringing you a fresh, real-life look behind the scenes with inspiring individuals who have created their version of success and the grit that got them there.

My intention is to give you inspiration, motivation, and insight into what really goes on and what it takes to make it happen.

I’m getting this party started with my first guest, Ashley Beaudin! 

You may already know of Ashley and her #theimperfectboss movement, but if you haven’t met her yet, you’re in for a treat!

Ashley is a heart encourager, speaker and movement-maker to women on a mission. She’s passionate about helping women turn their messages into movements so that they can increase their audience, visibility, and impact. 

Ashley’s movement, #theimperfectboss, is liberating thousands of women from perfection, including myself.

In this interview, we're talking about the grit and grace that’s gone into Ashley's success story.

Ashley and I jam on:

  • {1:45} her version of success, how it’s changed over the years, and what it is today. 
  • {3:22 } the journey of discovering her version of success. If you’re someone who feels like you’re constantly changing directions or are still trying things out to discover your thing, be sure to listen here.
  • {5:00} grit and what it means to our business success.
  • {5:35} how grit influenced her starting #theimperfectboss movement.
  • {8:04} what to connect to when you feel like giving up.
  • {10:48} one of her favorite “success tools” she used when she was starting out and how it’s still helping her today.
  • {14:15} the advice she would give her younger self. It’s really insightful! 

Ashley is incredible, inspiring and SO real.

Click below to listen to the full interview:

(You can also download the interview and listen to it any time.)

Once you’ve had a chance to listen, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. Let me know what's your biggest take away from this conversation - and why? 

I hope this conversation inspires you to keep getting up and trying again.

Ashley, thanks for taking the time to share so openly with us. It's been an honor to have you as my first guest!

Wishing you your version of success!

Kim Argetsinger mindset and business coach

If you want to connect with Ashley and get to know her more check out her world below:

Websites:   ashleybeaudin.com      theimperfectboss.com

Instagram: @ashley.beaudin

Twitter: @ashleybeaudin

Facebook: facebook.com/ashleybeaudinofficial

Pinterest: pinterest.com/ashleybeaudin1/

P.S. Want to dive a little deeper into a grit and a grit and growth mindset? Join me on this FB live where I'm jamming a little more on the topic!

 
7 Ways to Get Out of Comparison Quicksand ASAP
Kim Argetsinger success + mindset business coach
"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

Last week we jammed on the comparison trap we can all get pulled into on and offline. 

(Missed it? Click here to catch Stay in Your Own Lane.)

We’re wired to compare, but with social media literally at our fingertips, it's getting us nowhere fast.

Our self-esteem, productivity, and motivation take a hit when we get pulled into comparison. 

In order to create our own unique version of success and stop living vicariously through the lives we see online, we have to stay in our lane and keep our eyes on our own paper. 

But that’s easier said than done when the opportunity to compare pops up every few minutes on our phones and computers!

Taking a social media detox, turning off notifications, scheduling your posts and the times you check in on social media can do wonders, but they don’t completely solve the problem. After all, we’re all human, and comparison is a part of our makeup.  

What do you do when you find yourself pulled into comparison quicksand?

 

7 Ways To Get Out Of Comparison And Back In Your Own Lane:

 

1. Quit. 

Catch yourself in comparison and stop. This might sound overly obvious, but so often as the damage is being done, instead of hitting the pause button, we fall deeper into the comparison spiral by clicking on another link, page, or profile.

Our brains are working against us here, firing off dopamine, which is a twofer, hitting us with a feeling of reward and triggering the want for more, more, more of the same. We’re training our brain to get addicted to comparison as we click. 

When you feel the comparison icks come on, go cold turkey and quit whatever app you’re in.

 

2. Practice gratitude.

Gratitude is uber importante and powerful and has been linked to all sorts of positive effects. If you haven't heard me say it before, gratitude is one of the most proven ways to boost your happiness.

Take a moment to be grateful for what’s good now.

What in your life do you have to be grateful for now? What’s good about your life now? Don’t phone this in!

And don’t hit me with the excuse that there’s nothing good in your life right now. If you’re reading this blog, you have enough first-world privilege to access the internet.

We can always find something good or bad in every situation, depending on what lens we decide to look through. Choose rosy colored; life is prettier in pink.

 

3. Do the work.

It’s easy to let comparison overwhelm you. Suddenly what you want seems so damn far away and out of reach. Beware: this can quickly turn into a sneaky stalling tactic. 

Get yourself back in your lane and focused on your work. Taking action can do wonders for your momentum and sense of achievement.

 

4. Take the next step. 

I’m all for visualizing big goals and our ideal future, but you achieve those big goals one step at a time.

When you're drowning in comparison-infused overwhelm, ask yourself, "What’s the next step I can take? What’s one easy step I can take to move my myself, my business, and my life forward?"

Instead of getting swallowed up in how far you have to go, break your vision into easy bite-size chunks and take it one step at a time.

Then, get stepping!

 

5. Revisit your purpose and mission.

That thing you're feeling less-than about as you comparison-trip? Remember how on fire you felt when you started?! Knowing our "why" keeps us in the race when it feels easier to quit than keep going.

Remind yourself why you started, when comparison threatens to bring you down.

Bonus: Watch this awesome Ted Talk with Simon Sinek the King of knowing your why!

 

6.  Look outside yourself.

Whenever you’re feeling stuck in comparison or just stuck overall, one way out is to think about how you can add more value and serve other people.

Ever notice when you do something nice for someone else, you feel better about yourself? 

We pull ourselves out of comparison when we stop making it all about us.

Take the spotlight off of yourself and where you feel you're lacking, and shine it on the people you serve.  Double down on your efforts to deliver value. You'll help someone else, and you'll feel good as a result. Win-win.

 

7. "Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” -Jon Acuff  

Remember everyone starts somewhere. Be aware of where you are on your journey.

So often, we’re comparing our beginner selves to someone else’s years of experience. We can’t see all of the hard work, time, and dedication that went behind the picture or post we’re seeing today.

How can you honor where you are in your life? How can you use this knowledge as inspiration for what's possible for you when you reach your "middle"?   

The next time you feel yourself coming down with a bad case of comparisonitis, pick your favorite tip and act on it. Taking action can propel us out of comparison and feeling stuck.

Get back in your own lane and create your version of success!

Kim Argetsinger success + mindset business coach

P.S. I’d love to hear from you. What’s your favorite tip? Do you have a favorite way to get yourself back in your own lane? Let me know in the comments below!

P.P.S. Know someone who's got a bad case of comparisonitis? Share this blog with them!